She’s here.

I promised my son a kitty cat.

Error! We came to a deadline, which was yesterday.

We had a huge criteria:

  • Not a kitten
  • Preferably big
  • must like children
  • Must not be a hunter
  • Must love cuddles
  • Gets along with dogs
  • Must not eat Big Bird
  • Must be a lap cat

You can see where this is headed, yes?

This is Dot.

Dot, meet the blogerverse.

Dot is 18 months old, the size of a 7- 8 month old kitten (bonsai kitty!), cuddly, fascinated by big bird and terrifying to the dog. She has a preference for adults, loves sleeping on the bed and we are completely unsure about where she is toileting….

She was found at the RSPCA at Fairfield and I’m wondering why everyone doesn’t adopt from shelters. With her adoption fee, we recieved a massive bag of premium cat food, behavioural advice contact numbers, pet insurance for 1 month, her de-sexing, first round  of vaccinations, flea treatment and worming! The best bit, though, is knowing that she won’t be “put to sleep” and that there’s another cat who can take her place in the queue to be adopted.

We love her so, very, very, very much already and are loving finding all of her quirks. We are optimistic that the 4am wake up was just because she had such a big day yesterday.

Welcome to the family, Dot.

Happy Birthday

I could put her name, but I won’t.

I could put memories, but I can’t.

I can tell you that we weren’t close, but I had so fervently hoped that we would become better friends. When she died, I cried tears for what was and what could have been. What I wanted. How selfish is that? At 27 years of life, she just didn’t wake up again and I was worried about what I was missing?

It goes deeper than that, of course. I had known her before I was born. In fact, she was named after me despite the fact that she was born before me – my mother never really forgave her mother for that one. We went to different primary schools and then the same high school.

And then we drifted in and out of each other’s lives. She was a supremely good photographer, she needed an interview for a school project… We kept meaning to catch up. We never did. We always had time.

And then we didn’t.

I miss her. Her photos pop up in a forum I lurk in… Her facebook profile pops up with the ridiculous line underneath “reconnect”. How I would love to..! Her body is cold. She is gone.

And today she would have been 28 – I would have left her a message wishing her a phenomenal year, filled with all the promises of tomorrow.

So beautiful girl, happy 28th Birthday – may your year be filled with 1000 dreams. I wish you were here. Lxxx

Run to the Desert

“Run to the desert
You will be all that you need to be

Run to the desert

You will see all that you need to see”

From “Desert Song” by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes

I have this urge, which is hardly able to be explained to a normal sane human. I want to go and play in the desert. I feel that it will almost reset me to the way I want to be. You know that feeling that you are on the precipice of something so much bigger than yourself? I want to recapture that, just for a moment. And I have the strongest suspicion that it is sitting in the desert just waiting, patiently for me to show up.

The desert is not a static place, it constantly changes, challenges and moves. That is exactly what I want to be. I am sick of being the same all the time. You know that saying that you cannot expect change if you do the same thing all the time? How true that is, yet, how guilty are we of expecting something to be different because we will it that way? I know I am. I am working on a list of 1001 things that I want to work towards and I need to ACTIVELY work towards them. Last week at a career counselling appointment with one of the smartest people I know, I stated in the open that I wanted to cease with the coasting along and work towards shaping my life. Every single job (bar two!) in my (short) working life has been handed to me on a platter. Do you know what the result of this same conversation was? On Friday a mentor rang me up and asked me to assist her in teaching on Thursday afternoons. Here I go, coasting into another opportunity. I said yes. I have so much to learn, I would be crazy to say no!

This is what confuses me about Buddhism ( another giant leap in thoughts, apologies!). We should be open to experiences, not set our expectations (expectations lead to suffering)…. yet, how does one achieve? Is this the dichotomy between the East and the West? I really should seek out someone to talk to about this. Maybe that should be on my 1001 – attend a Buddhist study group.

My thoughts are all over the place, but ultimately:

*I want to go to the Desert

* I want to be open to new experiences

* I want to be a dynamic mother, partner and person

❤ you Edwarde Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes! (And shame on you for not coming to Brisbane!)