In the body, there are veins and there are arteries. They do the same thing, but differently – they move blood around the body. One takes blood to the heart, the other takes it away. Neither one is better, nor worse than the other. They both perform roles essential to survival.
People are kind of the same. We build networks around us, these days online and “in real life” – neither is better, neither is worse.
And then you meet your online friends and the axis of the world shifts slightly.
They understand some of the crazy things that you think, because they talk about their fears and limitations. You have a teacher and experiences in common. I thought meeting these ladies would be nerve wracking because, hel-lo…. their work is amazing! They are on their way to phenomenalness (Oh, fine, they’ve already arrived!) and I am beginning my journey… but mainly because of my social awkwardness. I am blessed with the ability to sometimes speak clearly (drama teacher, remember?), yet I get nervous in public for so many reasons. I am good at probing too deep too quickly and it sometimes creates awkwardness… so I am trying to adjust and work out what I feel comfortable with and can actually show my face again with.
It went well. The women were awesome! I admitted that I am a chronic oversharer (I am also a narcisstic blogger. So shoot me.). I didn’t cry once…. others did.
Yesterday morning I awoke more emotional than I have been in, I don’t know how long. It’s not depression, it’s not sadness, it’s the feeling of being raw. Being open. The sound of my boys in the lounge is enough to make me teary, watching a youtube video is enough for something to get caught in my eye. I’m smiling more. I’m also in the mood for the beautiful ugly cry at gorgeous things that open my heart.
I feel loved, supported and brilliant. I believe that I have immense potential inside my soul and that I can share it. I have ideas, so many, and I cannot wait to launch a beautiful project in a few weeks, I just have to focus on my studies for a little bit. I keep saying thank-you, thank-you, thank-you. What more can one say?
The weekend was beautiful. My teachers are beautiful. Life is beautiful.
The heart. In and out. Round and round. Complete.