Thoughtful Thursday provided by Samuel Beckett

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Tomato Watch 2010

For nearly three weeks I have been saying that this week, was THE week.

The week I have waited for since planting out the new garden.

The week that I would be able to harvest a Black Russian Tomato from our garden.

These things are MASSIVE, about the size of my hand. They have been lovingly reared in rich soils and sprinkled with seaweed solution. Oh dear readers, to think that this could be the week is dizzying!

In other garden news:

The lawn has become a jungle!

The lawn has disappeared, to be replaced by Bindiis and weeds and…. violas?

It’s a brave new world, in our garden.

Cawfee

Coffee Date today.

With one of my favourite people.

Dipping my toes into inner city life.

Bumping into people.

Listening to stories of such outrageousness, if I repeated them; you simply wouldn’t believe them. We all have different kinds of normal.

(I know they are true, though.)

Normal is over rated.

Today was a good day.

For now… Not forever.

(sometimes, this is what it feels like when searching for that elusive career!)

I have, ahem, occasionally (geez, I wish you could hear me snort when I say that) wondered what I will do when I grow up. I am in an exceedingly privileged  position of having been able to pick what I want to do with my life. Isn’t that amazing? How lucky am I? Instead of feeling lucky though, here are the things that have run through my head at one time or another:

+ I can’t muck this up, I have only one chance to pick something

+ Guilt. Endless guilt about not being brilliant and taking so long to do something (anything)

+ Paralyzed by anxiety/fear of failure – when you’ve got every ounce of potential, using it is terrifying!

So here I am, at 28 and still working out what is next. The spouse has wisdom. Sometimes he imparts it to me:

Stop thinking about it being the rest of your life.

Pick something that you want to do for the next little while.

If you don’t like it, you can move on to something else.

In other words: don’t make a mountain out of a molehill. Do one small task at a time. Break it down.

It’s how I sew. I do one small step at a time with an idea of what I am working towards, but just little bits and pieces. It makes me more efficient.

It’s how I study. It’s how I do a lot of things.

It’s how I changed a car battery by myself (for the first time ever). I kept my mantras in my own head and added an especially prepared for the task of “Don’t complete the circuit. Do not touch that terminal whatever you do”. I survived. I kept it together, one step at a time. And now my car goes!!!!!

So summary – Break your task down. Don’t think of a career move as being for the rest of your life – you know the statistics and the rhetoric that people are staying in their jobs for a shorter amount of time and changing careers more frequently… so embrace that. Pick something for the next little bit. Begin by putting one small foot in front of the other – you will get there… for as long as you choose!

(Cross the river… Yes, there are crocodiles in this water!)

On Wishing

I don’t believe in wishes.

There you go, I said it.

I believe in wanting things. I believe in working towards things and making things happen yourself.

I do not believe in passively sitting by and waiting for something to happen, just because you wish it to. Why should that thing that you’ve been wishing for happen? How can it if you are not working towards it?

By declaring that you want something to happen, things really start rolling. So this weekend, make something happen.

Declare it, own it, make it yours.

Believer

Inspired by Goldfrapp, today 🙂 It could be that I just am so excited about the Goldfrapp concert in 2 weeks and 1 day, but it could also be the fact that this is the song that I have in my head most of the day, for heaps of reasons:

  • The phrase “I’m a believer, in your love” – yes. I believe in the love of the people around me.
  • I believe that most people are inherently good
  • I believe that people can change
  • I believe that things go up and down and that you need to ride out the lows in order to find the highs again
  • I believe that by being the person you want to be, you can change your corner of the universe one conversation at a time
  • Sometimes, I even believe in myself

I am always reminded of the story that one parent goes to work, gets screamed at for whatever reason, comes home, screams at their spouse who then screams at the little kid and then the kid kicks the dog. Did anyone else have this picture of disturbia placed in their brain as a teenager?? I try to keep it in my mind when I have a rough day teaching or something crazy happens that I get cranky at. I try to restrict what I take it out on (and there is no point in bottling it up!) – whether going for a run is a good idea, talking it through with the spouse/friend/family member or doing some mild breathing exercises. Or chocolate…..

Hope you’re all having a good day and believing in yourself out in the blogoverse, Lxxx