What I want…

(My final task in the workshop)

I want to be strong.

Strong enough to say that something doesn’t bother me.

To tell people where my line is – and not to cross it (please).

To show who I really am on the inside.

To walk the path that is in my heart, not my brain and not in anyone else’s brain for me.

More than anything else, I want my son to learn from me how strong women are, how to love and how to let go.

I’m snowed under at the moment – we have a full weekend ahead and I still have about 2,500 words to write on the Hermann grid and Operant Conditioning. I also am fighting a cold with 200 vitamin c tablets a day, lots of love and hot water with honey and lemon. And Dad’s top shelf cognac last night (shhhhh…..!).

There’s lots going on in my life and I can’t wait to share – so please be patient with me while I don my butterfly wings and come out of this cocoon…. I do take a while to get ready in the cold 😉

Housekeeping

#1 – The boy’s birthday? He scored. He has a birthday party coming up on Saturday with 30 or so of his friends from school and beyond. I know that some of the mothers are putting in together for a games shop voucher. Which is the best idea ever for a birthday party present! His birthday cake, proper is for his birthday party. So I had intended that he have a cupcake for his cake that night… he decided that he didn’t want to put the candle in his decorated cupcake, which led to this sad looking cupcake for his cake. He did actually ask if his parents were joking (we weren’t!).

#2 – My MIL continues her recovery. She had surgery on her wrist the day after accident and is in a handy-dandy cast. She is incredible in the ways that she can count the positives.

#3 – We got our tomatoes off the vine. The largest one was 280grams! The black russian in this photo is up against a $1 coin. Massive beastie. Apparently quite tasty, too!

#4 – We have our first stalk of edible asparagus off our 2 year old crown

#5 – The workshop has come to an end. And my teacher has news. Go forth and revel in it!

Caught up. Done.

Goodbye, Six.

Dear boy,

When you wake in the morning, you will be seven. Seven years ago, I wasn’t labouring with you, yet. I awoke and spent the morning laughing with your father, eating leftover pizza and wondering if today would be the day. By that point, you were six days overdue and induction was being talked about for the following Wednesday.

We had guests arrive, when my waters broke, of course. They didn’t notice, so much did I want this to be a quiet family affair.

Seven hours later, you were in my arms. And I was wondering what I had done. At 6:03pm on the 16th of August, you arrived. I told you tonight that you were born during the simpsons and it made you laugh hysterically.

You were chubby. Little blue fists and deep blue eyes. White skin and wrinkled cheeks. You screamed a little and then just settled…. Not wanting to feed, but look around at your new world, your new family. I could see you putting voices to names and faces – you understood the connections better than I did.

You still do.

Six has been magic. You are reading, writing and doing incredible sums in your head. You have friendships and dance beautifully. You are amazing.

We love you.

Happy Birthday, boy.

A shout out and welcome to Bad Fish, Chris :)

**waves**

Hi Chris,

I’d just like to let you know, that I am not a scammer. This is me and you are welcome to the tickets.

By my beautiful witnesses here, I do solemnly swear not to scam you or abscond with your ticket funds 🙂

Pinky swear.

And not everyone gets to see my license, where I am morphing into my mother.

All the love in the the universe,

Lara F.

The answer to what I do….

… (before I accidentally hit publish again!!!!!!)

I do not work for money(**waves** Hi ATO!). I have no job title. This is some of what I do:

  • I study part time for my postgraduate diploma in psychology – my last resort for the psych path as I played up far too much in my youth. Daily I wonder if psych is really for me, but I will finish this semester and then truly decide (for now).
  • I assist my drama teacher in entertaining the small fry at her drama studio. I am head wrangler one afternoon a week. I have so much fun and am so nervy after an afternoon teaching! My young charges are aged 5 – 9 and I have SEVENTEEN of them. I now have an assistant entertainer who is just beautiful – the children all think she is a super model 🙂
  • I am completing my ASDA in the AMEB Syllabus for Speech and Drama. Technically, I am a drama teacher. Those who have taught with me would argue that it is very, very, very technically.
  • I am the full-time chauffeur to my boys, chef several nights a week and provider of a sometimes made bed.
  • I also try to catch up with at least one friend once a week. It’s important for me to still feel connected.
  • I am learning to roller skate once a week.
  • I already hold a BA in psych and a couple of Drama certificates in AMEB and Trinity College (that my mother is way more proud of them than I am!).
  • I am also midway through a degree in business. I enjoy banking and finance more than the average housefrau and do create spreadsheets to assist in making financial decisions.  Sadly, my uni won’t let me do this degree at the same time as my current enrollment 😦
  • And then there is the photography… I do that for fun, though! Unless I can devise a marketing strategy to just photograph 4 year olds 😀

I’m a great believer in making a job title for myself…. but I haven’t found one that suits what I do except Lifetime Student… maybe…. studying drives me crazy… Suggestions???? (Seriously…..!). (What is in a name? I have no need to be defined… do I?)

(pick a cupcake…. styled by a very talented friend!)

Of late, I’ve felt rather flattened by the load I’ve taken on – not because I am overworked, but I feel bored. The things I really enjoy doing, I’m not doing in comparison to the things that I don’t really enjoy. I’ve lost sight of what I am working towards – what is my goal?

So there’s this idea of maybe, just maybe heading into the workforce again… but why should work define who I am? I’m seeking the challenge of new people, places and ideas – It’s time to cast my net a little wider.

It’s mental altitude that’s holding me back, I know that. I just feel so paralyzed about going forward. I feel I am going to fall, so I don’t take a step. It’s like me on roller skates, even super skater teacher dude last week noticed that I was terrified and had no rhythm because of it.

Solutions? Easy Solutions? I don’t think there are any. (except maybe getting over myself!)

Watch this space.


When seizing the day can have repercussions….

I have the BEST mother in law on the planet – try and offer suggestions as to better and I will trump you time and time again. The woman that raised my partner is amazing and taught all her boys (with her husband, of course) how to treat women beautifully (my sister in law and I are treasured spouses), be respectful and be gorgeous young men. She spoils us all and loves us as an extension of her family…. I am so fortunate to have her in my life.

So!

I’ve been interested in learning how to skate, of late, thanks to a certain Mumma around town sprouting her interest in certain sports. Thinking that this could be fun, the family and I have snuck off to the skating rink with my mother in law for two weekends in a row to try skating. Today we all participated in the group skating lesson… and then I took a phone call. When I came back in the room, my name was being called over the PA, the boy was working out whether or not to hit the deck again and the spousie was on the rink…

No MIL.

A man came rushing over to me to inform me that my mother (you mean my mother in law? “Oh, you two looked like you liked each other.” “We do.”) had fallen and broken her hand. We got to her (still in skates. I skate slow and the boy is slower) and she was barely awake. I went into bossy mode “Spouse, stay with your mama. Give me her keys and phone. Boy, come with me, let’s get grandad. Go, go, go.” (Bye MIL, I’ll see you soon). We went. She went, by ambulance, to hospital.

Oi Vey. Do you have any idea how responsible I feel???? The idea of this beautiful woman being in pain is very… not right.

So, say a prayer or two, sacrafice a goat, whatever needs to happen: happen.

MIL, get better soon.