In honor of that one, you know, that land mark.

It started in a dodgy pub.

This thing that has grown and changed.

Neither of us thought that we’d survive, well maybe he did, but I didn’t. I couldn’t understand why it was me, didn’t think that I was right for him, was going to travel…

Sometimes, I’m wrong.

So, here we are.

An eight year old son, strange living conditions, a dog, a cat, a bird, a mortgage, a car – all the trappings of grown-up hood, but somehow it still feels as if I’m 19 and he’s 21 and we’re discovering all the world has to offer.

Love you, lover.

Thank-you for all these years.

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31

I started “dating” the spouse as a crazy 19 year old and when he was 21.

He turned 31 this week, almost a whole decade spent with me.

He has loved, supported, chased after and led me. He’s my best friend – the one I can say anything to and he listens… He’s a really, really, really good guy – despite running on the barest minimum of sleep.

Add to the fact that he’s a tremendous father, one of the cleverest people I have ever met, has a truly wicked sense of humor… and I wonder why on Earth he settled with me…

But sometimes, you just have to accept that good things happen for no apparent reason and enjoy the ride.

Happy Birthday to the most incredible partner I could have ever wished for! Yay for Pharlap/Cap’n Oblivious/Totes Inapropes!

Edited to add: a picture of boy + mini boy:

You know what? Someone hasn’t been seen on here for a while!

The boy! Did I share the fact that boy is 8 now? Hecksies…

I tried taking photos of him this afternoon in order to send photos to his great-grandmother. This is what we got:

 

Not really great grandma friendly!

Nor is this one, but I love it anyway. He loves coming home from school and jumping on the trampoline with a fair few water bombs and balloons and getting horrendously wet….

We’ll have to try grandma photos another day….

5:30am: Darkness, trees| Light, tunnel -> Back there. Again.

5:30 this morning, I was awake. I wasn’t due to be awake for another 45 minutes, yet, there I was.

Worrying, missing, pausing.. wondering. questioning.

Right path, wrong path… no path -> lost? Not lost? Exploring?

Circles, many, many, many circles.

How on Earth do I trust myself, when I’m such a wreck? Sure, I look like everything is together-ish at the moment, but really? Jelly. So not sure. I’m struggling to see the forest for the gloomy trees around me. The head isn’t in the fog (thank goodness!), but it isn’t quite right, either. Things are hard.

I’m just not sure. 5:30am has hurt my head. I don’t think I’ve been as filled with doubts like this in a long time. It makes me want to avoid 5:30am, 6am and beyond. I want to snuggle up to my love, wake them, let them tell me that things will be ok.

But I’m alone, of course. On camp, in a single bed, in a cabin with six sleeping comrades. Waking my running buddy up to tell her that I’m having 5:30am doubts, could border on cruel. So, I toss and I turn, resolving to let go of everything. The fact that the thoughts are pervasive and have no intention of leaving, I’ve had five hours sleep and the idea of what to do looms large – makes anything beyond breathing difficult.

The alarm finally goes off at 6:15, some comrades wake to work on their core and agility. I’m first out of bed, dressed and ready to go before 6:30.

Balance on one leg, close my eyes, reach for a shoe. Pause. Breathe. Still feeling uptight.

Run. Breathe. Fresh Air. Light. Hope.

The light, oh my, the light.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

There is darkness before the dawn.

I’m going to bed in a minute… I’ll wake up in the morning and resume my version of normal. I don’t know if I’ve resolved the questions, but now I know the questions exist. A little bit of sleep, a little bit of love… things will be better tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

Day 8| A bad habit

Oh my. When I saw this one pop up on the list… I think I gulped.

I have so many… procrastination, being short tempered, sleeping late, running late, struggles with priorities, a severe dislike of the telephone…

In the end… one presented itself. Madness in the kitchen.

I couldn’t bring myself to show the whole kitchen. Not this time. You are looking at me chopping chicken… marinating other chicken in a bowl balanced precariously on top of a honey container, with two other prepared dishes in the background. There is a recipe book, chaos and more.

And then, oh internet… I feel dirty now… I left. I went out…. and left my beloved partner to pull it back together. I went skating.

So much badness. Sorry, partner.

Day 6| From a low angle

I think I have an obsession with powerlines.

I have photographed this particular one with every lens I own, different skies, different times of day.

To me, now I’ll sound really loopy, they are a symbol of connection and connectedness. And both of those things are really important to me. In fact, stay tuned for a post featuring this power line in the future… taken with a holga lens on the F5!!!!!