Dramatic Drama

So… when I was in the play, I asked to be included on the photography mailing list. Just before the show opens, photographers are invited to take photos of the dress rehearsal. This has to be one of the most positive experiences I’ve had for ages, just taking overly dramatic photos and using much white space…bw1busyjennycoupledesk2trioreveal2reveal3singlereveal

 

Thank-you so much for the opportunity, VP!

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Spring’s afternoon (mulberry picking 2011)

For the rest of my life, I know some of the images of love that I shall carry in my mind, my heart and my soul. The ones of my twenties are diverse, but they feature my boys. Yesterday was a hot Spring’s afternoon that we spent picking mulberries, kicking a ball around and making the beginnings of Mulberry Pie.

These are what I carry:

 

The fruit tree is laden this year… amazing crop!
Someone was kicking mulberries around the yard…

Part of the harvest

The weather is hot, dry and smoky. I am loving it. Summer 2011-2012, bring it on, baby!

5:30am: Darkness, trees| Light, tunnel -> Back there. Again.

5:30 this morning, I was awake. I wasn’t due to be awake for another 45 minutes, yet, there I was.

Worrying, missing, pausing.. wondering. questioning.

Right path, wrong path… no path -> lost? Not lost? Exploring?

Circles, many, many, many circles.

How on Earth do I trust myself, when I’m such a wreck? Sure, I look like everything is together-ish at the moment, but really? Jelly. So not sure. I’m struggling to see the forest for the gloomy trees around me. The head isn’t in the fog (thank goodness!), but it isn’t quite right, either. Things are hard.

I’m just not sure. 5:30am has hurt my head. I don’t think I’ve been as filled with doubts like this in a long time. It makes me want to avoid 5:30am, 6am and beyond. I want to snuggle up to my love, wake them, let them tell me that things will be ok.

But I’m alone, of course. On camp, in a single bed, in a cabin with six sleeping comrades. Waking my running buddy up to tell her that I’m having 5:30am doubts, could border on cruel. So, I toss and I turn, resolving to let go of everything. The fact that the thoughts are pervasive and have no intention of leaving, I’ve had five hours sleep and the idea of what to do looms large – makes anything beyond breathing difficult.

The alarm finally goes off at 6:15, some comrades wake to work on their core and agility. I’m first out of bed, dressed and ready to go before 6:30.

Balance on one leg, close my eyes, reach for a shoe. Pause. Breathe. Still feeling uptight.

Run. Breathe. Fresh Air. Light. Hope.

The light, oh my, the light.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

There is darkness before the dawn.

I’m going to bed in a minute… I’ll wake up in the morning and resume my version of normal. I don’t know if I’ve resolved the questions, but now I know the questions exist. A little bit of sleep, a little bit of love… things will be better tomorrow.